Back Again
by Janine1
Summary: The Posse is re united with Ace Rimmer.. he has brought someone with him. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!
1. The Call

Authers note: Hey! I this was the first FF I ever wrote, but I didn't really know how it worked back then, so I fixed it up I hope you like it. Please review!!!!  
  
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Our story takes place with Dave Lister, and Arnold Rimmer in the Brig. They have been in the brig for about a year and have basically gotten used to everything. Lister and Rimmer lay asleep in their cots, until Lister is woken up by a loud sound coming from below the floor boards. Lister Gets up to see what's going on  
  
All of a sudden, the head of a skutter pops up from the floor board, Lister automatically recognizes it as Bob.  
  
Lister was almost ecstatic! He hadn't seen bob since he was eaten by Pete the dinosaur, the coughed back up and hit Captain Hollister in the head!  
  
"BOB! Buddy! What the smeg are you doing here?" Said Lister  
  
Bob made a clicking noise and handed Lister a small white telephone. Lister took the phone, not knowing what it was and put it up to his ear.  
  
"Hello?" He said  
  
"Listy! Its me, Ace, Arny, old Rimmer!" Said Rimmer's familiar voice.  
  
Dave took a look at the Rimmer laying asleep on the bed, he had never told him about his former self on Red dwarf, and how he had left to become Ace Rimmer, apparently he had some explaining to do! The Rimmer on the bad began to wake up.  
  
"Rimmer! Its really you?" Said Lister, in a quiet, cautious way.  
  
The Rimmer on the bed yawned and got up. "What the smeg are you doing? What's that?" he asked.  
  
"just give me 10 minutes" Whispered Lister, and went back to his phone call.  
  
"Oh Its me all right!" Said Rimmer on the phone, his voice sounded Just Like Ace Rimmer, well that figured, considering he was Ace Rimmer.  
  
"Wow!" Said Lister, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Listy, I missed ya, buddy! Listen, there will be plenty of time to catch up later, but I need to talk to you about something serious" He was beginning to sound like Rimmer again.  
  
"Sure"  
  
"Well, in my spare time, I was cruising through parallel universes, and I came across one with a holographic you, Kryten, and the Cat..."  
  
Lister wasn't sure where this was going, he began to wonder if he was talking about the universe that Kristine Kochanski had come from.  
  
"Well, I was talking with Dave, I mean you, and he told me the sad story about how he had lost his Lover, The guy was a wreck! Drunk, Lonely looking, hadn't done a thing with his hair in months, oh wait, nothing different about that..."  
  
"yeah, get on with it"  
  
"Long story short, I'm coming for a visit, and bringing the guy with me"  
  
Lister almost choked!! He suddenly remembered why he hated Rimmer so much!! He had been so close to winning Kochanski over to himself! If she were to see her old boyfriend, Himself, The better version of himself that could stay awake during Operas, it would ruin all of his hard work! She would forget all about him and fall into His Smegging `evil twins' arms! Lister suddenly understood why Rimmer could never get along with himself! He remembered when there were 2 Rimmer holograms on the ship, He thought it was a good laugh back then, but he never imagined it happening to him! Not to mention, the guy was better then him in every way!  
  
"Listy???"  
  
"Smeg no!!" Shouted Lister  
  
"Lister, I thought you would be happy to see me! Its been over a year! Why the smeg not?... Oh I know! Its Kochanski! You don't want her to be reunited with him! How are things going with you two?" He no longer sounded like ace at all, but he sounded like a very Happy Arnold Rimmer, the Arnold who loved laughing at other peoples pain!  
  
"How do you even know about that?" Lister asked him, He pretty much knew how, he just wanted to hear Rimmer say it.  
  
"He told me everything! How you shot her in the smegging leg with a harpoon gun and dragged her onto your ship!"  
  
"I was saving her life, Man!" shouted Lister!  
  
"What The smeg is going on!!" Shouted The Rimmer sitting on the bed. Neither Rimmer knew about the other one, Ace didn't know that another Rimmer was taking his place, Ace didn't Know that Red Dwarf had been re built by Nanos, and that the entire crew was alive, and on the ship with him.  
  
"Shut the smeg up! I'll tell you when I'm done!!" Lister went back to his phone call. "By the way Rimsy, The entire ship was re built By Nanos and the entire crew is alive, and me, Kochanski, Kryten, The cat, and you, and in the brig, because I was trying to help you become an officer, and we were caught for using classified information to out knowledge" He Blurted out, not feeling like explaining all the details.  
  
"Hey, I said there would be time to catch up later! I gotta get going, Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll see you tomorrow morning!" His Ace Rimmer voice had come back. Rimmer hung up.  
  
Lister put the phone down. "Smegging hell" He mumbled.  
  
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To Be Continued... 


	2. Smeg

Lister began explaining what the Smeg was going on to Rimmer. He knew this wasn't going to be very easy.  
  
"So Bob gave you a telephone. Who the smeg were you talking to?" Rimmer was irritated that he had been woken up, and then confused so much. He began to wonder if there was something Lister wasn't telling him. He knew there had been a Rimmer before him, but he didn't know what the Smeg happened to him. He was afraid something terrible had happened, like he had died choking on a Chicken bone, so he had never asked.  
  
"I was talking to Rimmer. Ace Rimmer." Said Lister. He knew he wasn't explaining anything by saying that, he just enjoyed confusing Rimmer even more.  
  
"You Smeg head! Who the Hell is that?" Rimmer was losing his patience!  
  
"Ok, ok!! Well, The Rimmer before you was a real smeg head and all..." Lister thought of how he would put this. "And one day, this guy named Ace Rimmer came along. He was basically a Rimmer from a parallel universe who had pretty much gotten all the breaks. Well, this guy drove Rimmer nuts! He hated the Smegger, until he found out he was dying and wanted to recruit him as the new Ace Rimmer"  
  
Rimmer was lost, He didn't know what the Smeg Lister was talking about. "Ace Rimmer, huh... So... What kind of guy was he?.. You know... what did he do?" Rimmer was very curious what would have happened to him if he had gotten all the breaks.  
  
"Well basically... He is a super hero."  
  
"A super hero? How do you mean?" The word super hero had surprised him quite a bit. He had never really thought of himself as the `save the world' type. Even if he had gotten all the breaks and become an officer.  
  
"He was a test pilot, he flew through all different universes. He never cared for himself, he only cared for others" Lister took a long sigh... "What a guy"  
  
"Thats what would have happened to me if I had gotten all the breaks?" Rimmer was beginning to sound angry. He more expected himself to be the self centered bastard he was!  
  
"Yeah, man"  
  
"So what were you talking to him about?"  
  
"oh" Lister took another long sigh "He's coming for a visit. And also, he came across the parallel universe me, the one who used to be on Kochanski's ship, and he's bringing him, too. What a Smeg Head!" The whole thing seemed like hell to Lister. He would probably lose Kochanski all together. She would go off with him, and he would never see her again!  
  
The thought of a perfect Rimmer, who was almost the exact opposite of himself really bothered Rimmer. He decided not to think about it, as hard as it was and try and get some sleep. Lister did the same, but was was unable to close his eyes and relax with the thought still in his mind.  
  
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To Be continued... 


	3. Man in green

Lister and Rimmer were woken early the next morning. They had a canary mission to explore an abandoned Space craft, and look for supplies. Apparently the ship was out of Orange Popsicles again, and those were captain Hollister's favorite!  
  
The 2 of them got dressed, still thinking about last night, and met with the other canaries. Lister took a long look at Kochanski. She was beautiful. It almost made him cry, but he didn't. He began to wonder how Ace would even find him, and where they were going to meet.  
  
"all right canaries, Today you have a mission to search this entire abandoned star ship. If you find anything of use to us, bring it to me. Be sure to search the freezers for any frozen treats" spoke Warden Ackermen with his low, bone shivering voice.  
  
The gang had pretty much gotten used to canary missions. they weren't any big deal.  
  
1 by 1, each canary stepped into the abandoned ship. There really wasn't much inside. The ship looked like a smaller version of Red Dwarf, accept everything looked old and rusted.  
  
"I've located the freezer unit, Mr. Lister sir" Shouted Kryten from another room. Lister followed the sound of his voice into the room and took a look inside the freezer. Kryten was busy trying to open a wooden crate inside with an attachment on his arm. Normally Lister would have helped, but he was too busy thinking. Maybe Ace wouldn't come. He crossed his fingers.  
  
"GUYS!!" Shrieked the Cat from another unit.  
  
Lister rushed into the unit, followed by Rimmer, and Kochanski.  
  
Inside was a small Green Ship, only big enough for about 2 people. It had a new polished glow, and The engine was still running.  
  
"It just appeared out of no where" Said the Cat, checking out his reflection on the Tinted Windshield.  
  
Lister and Rimmer both knew what it was. The engine shut off, and the door slowly opened. Before they could see who was inside, a voice came from the inside. "Nice ta' see ya' Blokes. Told ya' I'd be back." it was defiantly Ace. His head popped out in a matching Green Helmet and Sun Glasses. He took both of them off. He was wearing a Green Body Suit with a gold Stripe and Brown boots.  
  
"Rimmer" Said Lister, quietly. He was quite impressed.  
  
Kryten stepped into the room "Ace Rimmer sir! What a pleasure!" Kryten never knew that It was really just Rimmer, he thought that Rimmer had died.  
  
"Hey Kryters! Nice ta' see ya'!" Said Ace, shaking his hand.  
  
The ordinary Arnold Rimmer looked into Ace's eye. He didn't know what to say. Before he could say anything, another person stepped out of the ship. He was wearing a baggy silver suit with a long zipper going up the front. He had a black helmet on that covered his eyes. He removed the helmet to show the face of a very sensible looking Lister. He unzipped the silver suit. He was wearing a Black Tuxedo. "Chris" he spoke.  
  
"Dave" Said Kochanski. She sounded surprised, but not shocked.  
  
Lister wasn't sure what was going to happen next.  
  
The Dave in the Tuxedo stepped closer to her. "You didn't think I would never come back for you, did you?  
  
Kochanski looked down. "I wasn't sure." She said Hesitantly.  
  
"Its been over a year. I thought I had lost you!" A tear ran down his cheek. The two of them hugged.  
  
Ace Rimmer smiled and placed his arm around Lister's shoulder. "Hey buddy. did ya' miss me?" He paid no attention to the normal Rimmer starring at him with his mouth wide open.  
  
"So you weren't kidding" Mumbled Rimmer.  
  
Ace looked around. "Looks like things really have changed."  
  
"Yeah Rimmer man, they have" Lister sounded very sad. This was like a nightmare! Sure he had missed the old Rimmer, but did he have to bring this guy with him. Lister suddenly realized how selfish he was being. Kochanski looked so happy.  
  
Ace took a look at the uniform Lister was wearing. "Canaries, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. Thought it was a singing group" He smiled a little bit at the memory. He began to Hum `You are the sunshine of my life'  
  
Ace patted him on the back.  
  
Meanwhile, Dave and Kochanski strolled down the halls of the star ship hand in hand. Kochanski had missed him so much. The touched his forehead, Running her fingers down his Metallic `H'  
  
"So how were things with, you know, him" Said Dave.  
  
"He's a nice guy" She sighed  
  
"well, did anything happen? Did he do anything to you?" Dave asked, sympathetically.  
  
"I think he tried a few times, but I don't blame him"  
  
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To Be continued... 


	4. Perfection

Chapter 4  
  
The canaries gathered as much supplies as they could carry, and loaded it back onto The portal to Red Dwarf. Ace lended a hand carrying the heavy crates. He introduced himself to as many canaries as he could.  
  
Lister didn't want to know what was happening with Kochanski and Dave. They were probably making love right as he thought it.  
  
Rimmer followed Lister. He was a bit depressed as well. He liked Kochanski. He didn't want her to go, and he knew if she left, Lister would be a wreck. The only fun thing about insulting Lister was that he never took it. If he was going to be depressed, he would take pretty much anything. Rimmer knew it was his duty to convince her to stay. He walked back onto the ship and began to search for them. He didn't quite know why. Finally he found them in a unit together. Dave had his jacket and shoes off. Kochanski's hair was a little bit frizzy. It didn't look like a whole lot had happened, though.  
  
Dave looked up. "Hi Rimmer" he said politely.  
  
Rimmer didn't answer right away. "Can I please have a word with Kristine, alone?" He asked.  
  
Dave put his shoes on and tied them. He looked at Kochanski. "Sure" He said, as he got up.  
  
Rimmer sat down and waited for Dave to leave. Lister had told him all about her while they were in the brig. What kind of parallel universe she had come from, and how they had rescued her.  
  
Dave left the room. Rimmer looked into her eyes. "You really like him, don't you?" He said.  
  
Kochanski nodded "I do"  
  
Rimmer thought for a minute about how he could persuade her to stay. "Well, he seems nice, but have you ever thought he was kind of... fake?"  
  
Kochanski's eyes widened "Never!" She was surprised Rimmer would say that.  
  
"Think about it, The only reason he is even existent is to keep you sane. he is not himself at all." Rimmer knew that for sure. The real Lister was a Smeg head.  
  
It took her awhile to answer. "I never thought of it that way" her voice was very quiet now.  
  
"They were exactly the same person until you went into stasus instead of Lister"  
  
Kochanski was quiet.  
  
Rimmer went on "Don't you think you would have a better relationship with someone who is them self, instead of being what you want him to be."  
  
"But he was so perfect" She whispered, pretty much to herself  
  
Rimmer had nothing more to say, it didn't look like what he had said worked, he gave up and left the room. He motioned for Dave in the hall to go back in, and then walked back to The rest of the canaries.  
  
Lister's cheeks were much pinker then usual, and his eyes were puffy. A few of the other canaries, including Kryten and the Cat, were trying to comfort him. He sniffled "there's nothing I can do about it"  
  
Rimmer sat down with him. "I'm sorry"  
  
Ace Rimmer forgot about being Ace for a moment and sat next to Lister. He didn't like seeing his old friend like this. "Don't worry, you'll bounce back. Maybe I can take you with me and introduce you to someone"  
  
Lister shook his head and wiped his eyes. He had to say goodbye to her. "Thanks guys" He mumbled as he got up. he walked along, looking around the ship. He saw something shiny inside one of the sleeping units. He stepped inside. It was very tidy. the beds were made. A rose was sitting on the bed. He knew it was fake, a real rose would not still be alive. A small box was sitting on the bed, he opened it, it was a gold bracelet. He took them both, and looked around for Kochanski. He found her sitting, talking to Dave. He didn't even bother to knock, he just stepped inside.  
  
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To Be continued... 


	5. Crash Bang Bam

"Can I have a minute to say goodbye" Lister asked.  
  
Dave said nothing, he just left. Kochanski smiled.  
  
Lister gave her a hug. "I have something for you" he said. He handed her the rose and then the box. She slowly opened it.  
  
Kochanski gave what sounded like a gasp and picked up the bracelet. "Wow, its great"  
  
"Chris, I'm gonna miss ya" He said.  
  
She said nothing  
  
"Well, goodbye" He said. As he got up to leave the room. He left the room. On the way he passed Dave. He hadn't actually talked to him yet.  
  
"Hey Man" Said Lister.  
  
Dave looked up. "Hello"  
  
Lister didn't really know what to say to him, he figured he should apologize. "Look, I'm sorry for taking her away from you, but hey, I was saving her life."  
  
"Thank you for that" Said Dave. You would think someone who was getting their long lost lover back would be happier, but he seemed depressed. The `H' on his head really stood out.  
  
"So, you really like her I guess" Lister didn't know what else to say.  
  
Dave nodded, just nodded. This was weird. Finally he got up "It was a pleasure talking to you, but I had better go"  
  
"Well goodbye" Said Lister. Dave walked out of the room, and Lister walked back with the other canaries. As he walked in, everyone was getting ready to go. He help to load the last crate, and got on the small ship that would take them back to Red Dwarf. Just as he was about to sit down he heard a female voice shout "Wait!"  
  
It was Kristine Kochanski! she was running down the long hallway towards them. as she kept going, she screamed once again, but the time it was because the floor beneath her had caved in, and she was trapped!  
  
Lister couldn't even hear her voice anymore. Before he knew what he was doing, he god up and ran at full speed towards the hole. "KRISTINE!!!!" As he looked into the hole it was dark and he could not see a thing. Each Canary had a small flashlight attached to their uniform, Lister grabbed his and shined it down into the hole. He saw what could have been her, but he wasn't sure. He ran back and grabbed a rope and then back to the hole, he lowered it as far as it would go. "GRAB THE ROPE!"  
  
Nothing happened for awhile. Until finally Lister could feel some weight on the rope. "HOLD ON!" He shouted to her, as he began to pull. All the canaries watched as he performed the daring rescue.  
  
Just then, Dave came strolling down the halls. "I heard somebody scream, what's going on?"  
  
"Its Chris" Said Lister, not even looking up, he pulled the rope a little at a time, the rope was very long, and the hole she had fell into was really deep. Lister shined the flashlight into the hole once again,. to make sure it was Kochanski she was rescuing. Sure enough it was. He pulled faster until she was safely on the ground again. She did not appear to be moving at all, her fingers were clamped to tightly on the rope that Lister could not get them off. He picked her up and looked Dave in the eye. "Man, she belongs to you, keep her safe"  
  
Dave didn't do anything for quite awhile. The other Canaries began to shout for them to hurry up. Neither of them seemed to listen.  
  
"Look" Dave began. It seemed like he didn't quite knew what to say. "You have kept her safe, and before this, she told me she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back with me. I am sure after you saving her life yet again she would want it this way, Man"  
  
Lister was so confused. "But she is yours" He began to stroke her hair.  
  
"No man, not anymore. I haven't told anybody this, but while I was traveling with Ace, I met someone else. The only reason I came here was just to say hello. I never wanted to take her back." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and slipped a note into her hands, but wasn't able to, because they were clamped so tightly on the rope, so he handed it to Lister and asked him to give it to her when she woke up, and strolled back to the small ship.  
  
Ace walked up to Lister and took Kochanski, and gently loaded her with the rest of the Canaries. "Well, that's about everything. I think you are all ready to head back now." He walked over to Lister who was still looking back at where Dave had walked away. "Well Buddy, Its been a please seeing you again. Keep that phone and maybe we will be able to talk to each other. Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll be back for breakfast" Ace stepped into the ship with Dave and started the engine. It began to fly towards the ceiling, and then disappeared.  
  
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To Be continued... 


	6. Sweet

Kochanski slowly opened her eyes. She didn't know where she was. Nothing in the room she was in looked familiar to her. She realized she was wearing a White dressing gown from Red Dwarf's Medi Bay. She wasn't sure what Red Dwarf she was in. The next thing she saw was a vase of roses on the nightstand, and 2 notes. She Picked up one of the notes. She automatically recognized her Dave's Neat, proper handwriting.  
  
"Kristine,  
  
I had almost lost all hope of ever finding you again. So naturally, I searched for other women with Ace, and sure enough I have found one. I would have told you in person, but I never got a chance. I'm sorry.  
  
Dave"  
  
She opened the next one, the sloppy handwriting told her it was from the other Dave.  
  
"Chris,  
  
I am sorry about You're Dave. He said you would have wanted it this way. I am not sure if you remember, but I saved you're life again when you fell through the floor boards of that abandoned star ship. I promise to work harder to make you feel welcome this time.  
  
Dave"  
  
Kochanski wasn't sure if this was really true, it was so hard to believe. Her Dave had found another woman? A woman better then her? He had told her he loved her more than anyone or anything and within a year and a half he had found someone better? What a fake! Sure she hadn't been there with him, but she was trying to reach him! That's probably more than he could say.  
  
Lister, Kryten, and Rimmer had come up to visit her a few times earlier, but she was still asleep. They all were escorted to the Medi Bay once more time after hearing she woke up. They stepped into the room, and saw her staring at the notes. Lister wondered if she had read them both yet.  
  
"Hi, how are you feeling?" Lister asked her.  
  
Kochanski smiled at him. "Fine"  
  
Rimmer wondered if anything he had said to her had any affect. He figured it didn't. Lister had told him everything he knew the night before. Neither of them could sleep, they were up talking about what happened all night. Lister really loved her.  
  
That was pretty much all they got to say to each other until they were escorted back to their cells. Lister wanted to talk to Dave some more. He had hid The phone under the floor boards in a small trap compartment. Lister took the phone out and speed dialed Ace. Lister waited for a moment.  
  
"Talk to me, baby!" It was Ace.  
  
"Hey, its me. Lister."  
  
"Can't get enough of me, can you, Listy"  
  
"Hey Man. I never really had a chance to talk to Dave"  
  
"I'm sorry, Listy. He isn't with me anymore. He requested to be dropped off in the backwards universe."  
  
That took Lister by surprise. "Why that one? its so weird and confusing!"  
  
"Yeah, I know. He didn't tell me why. He just said he needed to. I think its to see her again."  
  
"I thought he found someone else"  
  
"Yeah, he did, but he didn't like her nearly as much as Kochanski."  
  
Lister was confused "So, that note he wrote her wasn't real?"  
  
Ace Sighed. "He thought she would be happy with you, and he didn't want her to have feeling for him anymore. That just wouldn't work."  
  
Lister didn't quite know what to say after that. He didn't totally feel right about having Kochanski with him anymore. It was all so strange to him! "Well, if you ever see him again, thank him for me." Lister hung up. He knew it was a little rude, but nobody was perfect. Lister could easily see what Kochanski liked in Dave, he was perfect! Lister wondered what made him think she would be happier with himself. He figured he would think about it in the morning. He gently shut his eyes and fell asleep.  
  
THE END 


End file.
